What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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