my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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