The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
