Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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