I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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