He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
