I think my fart just growled at me.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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