he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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