I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
