am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize