he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
