brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize