Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
