ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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