how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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