Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
