He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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