I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
