To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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