I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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