I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
