you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
