In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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