Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
