Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
