Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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