i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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