smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
