I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
