I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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