think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
