I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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