I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
