ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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