her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
