watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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