I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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