Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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