i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
