i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
