Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I didn't shave. On purpose
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
