I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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