Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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