I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
