youre lurking in front of me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
