So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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