you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize