Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
