ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
