If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
