There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
