How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
