Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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