she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Randomize
