Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
