Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
