do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
