If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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