Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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