It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
