I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
