I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
