sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
