Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
