Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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