Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
