So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
These tits shall not be calmed
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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