Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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