After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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