Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We have started to decorate penises.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
