A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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